May’s Mess Wrapped up

Hello Friends,

I haven’t fully written any posts in a while and I definitely haven’t written any monthly wrap ups in a hot minute. I just thought while I’m here I should do a little update as to what’s been going on and why I’ve been so aloof. I don’t think this post will have the same structure as most; I’m writing it very quickly as today is the last day of May. And as you can see by the title May has been a sort of a mess for me. I’ve had my ups and downs these past few months and I’ve been finding it hard to motivate myself to write anything (at least anything worth sharing). So here’s what’s been going on.

END OF APRIL

I was very fortunate that near the end of my school semester I was sent a couple products to review by peepshow and spectrum boutique. Which I am still in the process of putting together. It’s been a while and I got a little overwhelmed with school work so I put it to the wayside for a time. That little bit of overwhelmed-ness became extremely overwhelmed as I started seeing someone that I thought I was very interested in and as the relationship romanticizing person that I am, I got very invested very quickly. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing it was just with the wrong person. I was not happy with how I was treated at the end of that situation. It’s incredible how shitty people will treat you if you let them and I think I learned a very valuable lesson.

MAY SHOWERS.

I know it’s really fucking cliche, but when it rains it FUCKING POURS! This month has been an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish. (I think I say emotional rollercoaster more often than the average human.) Honestly, I’ve never been thrown around with such conflicting feelings ever in my life. At the very start of the month first day in I started dating two incredible people. They both are extremely supportive and I always imagined myself in a similar polyam relationship to what I have now. I just didn’t expect it right away or to happen at the same time as each other. That’s okay, but now I’m dealing with all the conflicting feelings of who and what I should spend my time on. I have to remind myself often that it comes with the territory and understanding my emotions and being vocal about them is the best way to deal with the negative thoughts I push onto myself. As these very happy and exciting relationships started and I’ve been filled with very intense New Relationship Energy. All this NRE  is a scary and exciting situation that I find myself navigating through.

On the opposite side of these happy feelings my job which I loved so much recently came to an end. It was a surprise to me, because I had been trying to amend the grievances against me, but in the end my effort had not been enough and I was let go. It’s been really hard and that’s affected my mood and motivation a lot. I updated my resume and have been sending it out, but in reality losing my job started me down a path to depression that I’ve been down before and as hard as I try to stay out of it I can’t control my feelings of fear. I’m always afraid I’m not good enough and it’s really fucking hard, because I’m always trying to be better.  So especially since this happened I’ve been avoiding twitter conversations (except the insane story of Connor Shaw Vs. Jason Aldean) and avoiding my blog which I know isn’t good for me. This my place to express myself and I love sharing shit that’s in my head with the people that want to read it.

I’ve taken a few steps to keep myself a little more upbeat. I volunteer at ASPECC (Alberta Sex Positive Education and community Centre) It’s a fantastic organization that practices safer space and sex positivity and not working lately has given me more time to volunteer there and learn more about a lot of different things. I hope to share more about that in the future. I will share that a few weeks ago I was demonstrating the wax play station at the monthly Taste of Kink event. At this event there are always different stations demonstrating different types of kinks for newbies or anyone interested in learning to give new kinks a try. It was really fun and I loved making art with wax and teaching people how to do it too.

Also a life event that happened just this past weekend. I drove with one of my new partners to my hometown to meet my parents and it was really nerve wracking. The main reason we drove there was to get my car back that has been there since January when I got in an accident, but meeting my parents was a part of the package. It went so well and I’m so happy they like him that meant a lot to me.

EXPECTATIONS

Now that May is over  I know I’m in for a busy summer that’ll lead to a busy school year and all I can do is get myself organized and remember to roll with the punches, because if there’s anything I’ve learned more this year is life is just going to keep coming at me and I can’t stop it. I can only be prepared.

Look out for some new content coming in June and so forth. Pride is coming up here and I’m so excited to got to my first pride parade. I’ll make sure to write about it.

Thanks for reading friends.

Until next time,